hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

Dont just, like, go into it. Its a big deal for me. First grade. So cool. Like changing the oil on your car. Oh, no! His Netflix show Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards . Why do we got to adhere to this weird shit from back over there? He would check to see if the coast is clear and hed slap the shit out of me. Im, like, Maybe this is bigger than me. Everybodys wondering. So Im, like, Yeah, what happened? Looking at her. Pizza Hut pizza sliders. It crashes into the cement. Were about the alphabet. And its wild that our kids will never know there was a period in time in this country where you had to make a choice between being on the internet or being on the phone. Us? Thank you.. This is a statue of an elephant. One night she was like, Hey, come over. I bike over to her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition. She Phil Jacksoned that situation. Shes crying. All rights reserved. Be a doctor, get a house in the burbs, let them call them whatever you want. What does it mean? Its a term of endearment in my culture, meaning brother. Right? Every day I walk past their building during lunch. Like a fucking G! Sitting presidents have sat on that desk. I was like, Oh, shit! What is going on? I realized, You dont give a shit about this person. I care about what she represents. She starts crying and runs out. Im livid. Weve got customers. I know what happens when I talk about this. Im going to America. The surgery is that risky. His rules with me were very simple. I fell in love here. So make up your mind. You claim that shit on your own terms. One year, she came to school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack. You endure racism, and if it doesnt cost you your life, pay it. Youre not my sister. [gasps in audience] But she couldnt understand English. , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. I get a call. "The King's Jester" reps the second stand-up comedy special that Minhaj has produced and starred in. But then she would go back to India. Hasan bhai is a comedian.. And youre really special to me. And Im out here stealing her bike? Cheese! Because when it happened, everyone in America felt like their country was under attack. I cant say anything. I got a ring and then lost my powers, which is a very different Lord of the Rings. Why are you bald and skinny? Hasan bhai! All the kids at the urinal are like, Uh! The night this airs, friends send me text messages. Thats my bike. Ra-jesh Ren-gat-ra-ma-na-ja-na-nam. And it always sucks. Im going to fucking kill you. Click. This kid just won $30,000 cash. Dont say you dont like Water Runs Dry. This show is awesome! And Muslims, we dont eat pork. Thats the nicest Ive ever been dressed, playing Mario Kart. You have to be brave, his father urged. Status updates, away messages, sub profile, Boyz II Men. 55 plus apartments in east kildonan; used sewer jetter trucks for sale I was like, Fuck that. Are you his son? Yeah. Youre over 18? Fresh TV Trailers. Meanwhile, I I didnt go to grad school. 30 second time-out. Weve got to clean this up. Zen! Hes like, Hanson, this is not funny. He walks over to the board, he pulls it down. Hasan bhai! Get lost! Eventually, I run to the boys bathroom. Mr Reed can give you a ride home. And I was like, No, I have my bike. And I just biked home and played Mario Kart. Shes going to tell Dad. Lets focus on whats important here. The sad part is, I felt bad for being there. A blank stare? You fucking dune coon. Okay. Sign this. I sign this waiver that clears the hospital of liability if something happens to my dad. Im not Saddam.. Im going to do that, then Ill come home. And I did a set at the Comedy Store. "Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester" is set to premiere worldwide on Oct. 4 on Netflix. They want you to audition. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King TV Special 2017 TV-MA 1 h 13 m IMDb RATING 8.2 /10 7.6K YOUR RATING Rate Play trailer 1:21 1 Video 3 Photos Comedy In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. Ill never do it again., He goes, No why dont you forgive Bethany? [speaking Hindi] He wanted to be the bigger person again. Um Nobody Nobody has ever asked me that before.. Shes like, Hasan bhai, come back! Im like, Eat my dust, immigrant. Im flying. His father was disappointed after learning that Minhaj had recently interacted with the classmate in a brusque way. And I honestly dont know who is more right. I could feel it, like hed slapped me in a previous life. Ive got this shit following me around on the playground. They love bottling them up deep down, and unleashing them on you later when its no longer relevant. Who was I to ruin their picture-perfect celebration? Thank you. I got on Facebook, I got super cocky. Now the ball is in our court, were going to be bigoted? About to meet his future daughter-in-law, Minhajs father repeats an oft-spoken phrase from their household: log kya kahenge, What will people think? Minhaj and his sister become upset, believing that something bigger besides religion, race, creed, color, or class unites them with all people. Coming Soon, Regal The producer is like, Well run it a few times. And I sit down and I get to the desk. You look the same. So how do I explain this? In the photo hes like, You had better get all As. Like, lets be real. And Aisha hates that story. So this is a tax you have to pay? You guys see this, right? Tools, Clear History. Am I crazy? And I was like, No, youre not crazy. So Hindus Hindus dont eat beef. Hasan sits down with the Armchair Expert to discuss feeling overwhelmed by the balance of life and work and the effect of trends and forces in his life. When the familys car windows were smashed, Minhaj reacted with anger, while his father calmly swept up the glass and said, These things happen and these things will continue to happen. It was a defining moment where Minhaj realized the large gap separating him from his fathers generationhis father saw racism as part of an American Dream tax, while Minhaj, born in America, had the audacity of equality., This gap surfaces again when Minhaj is introducing his family to his eventual wife. Want to audition for The Daily Show? Thats not a question. Ive never seen so many people with spray tans hate people of color. Hasan Minhaj ( / hsn mnh ( d) / HUSS-n MIN-hahzh, -hahj; [a] born September 23, 1985) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host of Indian descent. Its why we become cardiologists and win spelling bees. Which is terrifying to say. Yes. A buddy of mine sends me this screengrab. Boom! Mrs Reeds like, You want br0wnies? Yeah. Is that pepperoni pizza? (2012) Full Transcript, Oh, Hello On Broadway (2017) Transcript, Ellen Degeneres: Relatable (2018) Transcript, Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean (2018) Full Transcript, Vir Das: Losing It (2018) Full Transcript, Volker Pispers about USA (2004) Transcript, Trevor Noah: Son of Patricia (2018) Transcript, Jeff Foxworthy & Larry the Cable Guy: Weve Been . She used to call me on my phone. My dads like, When the visa comes through. When the visa comes through.. list of munros excel; nicole wegman ring concierge family. In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. Its too much. Bethany, comma, enter. Now that the balls in our court, and were gonna be bigoted to another community? Im here to talk about prom. [laughter] And her face went white. I still cant understand some of you. I needed money for a deposit so I called my mom. What did your mom say? My mom was like, No. Hindus and Muslims are like the Montagues and Capulets of India. Two very different parishes point to divisions in the church. Im pooping my pants. #brilliant. Available in: 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. And I look at him, and Im like Dad? He had Jewish Najmi vibes. Try to understand immigrant fathers. Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester | Official Trailer | Netflix Netflix 25.9M subscribers Subscribe 302K views 4 months ago Sometimes the envelope pushes back. photo printing bundaberg. I really believe love is bigger than fear. I had a question. Im doing that right now. Everyones, How did it go? Youre like, Positive thoughts. No, its not happening. Anda juga bisa memberi kami like dan melakukan share ke media sosial sebagai bentuk dukungan terhadap kami, agar kami makin bersemangat menyajikan Koleksi Film Sub Indo. Im like, Dude, what are you doing? Just the two of us trying to make it in America. All rights reserved. But you know whats great? This is House of Cards. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. The special navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. And I was like, You knew my situation. Bethany Reed. Okay. What will people think? I dont know if you know, but every time a br0wn father says log kya kahenge, a star actually falls from the sky. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary, so its one year down, forever to go. And thats how you make it great. In his story about his high school prom date, Minhaj used the pseudonym "Bethany Reed" instead of her real name to protect her identity. I was like, Oscar speech, go. 22nd Ave Pompano Beach, Fl. You can hear me, right? I wish I could tell 18-year-old me, Hey, man, dont let this experience define you. Thirty years ago in a town in India, population 990,000 thats a small town my dad heard a buzz in the streets about this woman named Seema, my mom. Us. I gave you the first ride. And Im looking down at her, and Im like, Man Im being a dick. Like, this whole time I was looking for acceptance from Cody, Corey and Cole [laughter] and I had it right here this entire time. 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. [laughter] Dont you know what this means? Irrespective of creed, class, color, find those people. And my dads looking at me. Father doesnt want us to go to prom. And then my dad would do what most br0wn parents do. Jasuriah? Youre always stressed and always tired. Put your Rajesh in my Rengatramanajananam. I was like, Stop it. I jump off the roof. Brunettes? Oh, they made it! Mrs Reed opens the door. Im like, No! Then I hear [sings Daily Show theme] I know that voice. I heard you go, like, Ugh! I didnt punch you. As immigrants we always have to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism. Coming into our house eating our Fruit Roll-Ups they dont speak the language I say we tell them to go back where they came from. Hes like, You cant say that. Wow, you dick. You stood up the new girl? The bike goes left, I go right. Do you need a ride home? I was like, No! So all that Kanye juice just goes out of my body. [theme music: orchestral hip-hop] [crowd roars] What's up? Serendipitously, it. I dont know. Boom! Ive got to go back to LA. Well, Ill see you Monday, right? I was like, Why? Well, you work here. And then, when it came time for me to get married, I got married to a girl from a Hindu family. Hasan, get up! Im going to put this in my car.. I put on the JC Penney suit. Br0wn love is very conditional. So Im telling him stories about my life, hes telling me stories about his. And I know some of you guys are like, Hey, this is Davis, okay? Your boy, headlining Gotham Comedy Club. Youre going to be on The Daily Show. I run outside. I cant hear you, Dad. My mom and dad are arguing in Hindi. Thats why I brought you here. We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. Minus all the unconditional love. Im picking up soda and Im like, Ah! Dont do that. Im going to live forever! Then I would trip on my Velcro shoes and I would drop the soda and it would explode. Youre going to die, so put it on the tombstone. Hell, no. Theyre like, Oh, this is a cartoon Ganesh. And I dont know why I get to Kaiser and run upstairs. Mr Pendletons like, So, lovebirds, what happened? Youre good. Forty-four-and-a-half presidents are white. Stop blaming other people. Watch Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer. This is the American dream. Thats when I realized theres a generational gap between us and our parents. You know we dont end up this far. Shes like, Hey. You ever seen an Indian kid win a spelling bee? And my mom, she would come and visit, and just kill the mom game. The British are going to talk shit about us. Hasan, be brave. Its a very beautiful poem. Im like, Whatever, its not going to happen. It was a reverse Lord of the Rings situation. Roll call was a problem. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. I saw her in the sandbox. But as soon as I say that He looks at me like I believe in Santa. [makes long, crackling, buzzing noise] [blows] If someone picked up the phone, Hey, get off the phone! Rated: TV-MA for language. Calligraphy! Youll never get it. Dad, I promise you, God doesnt like bigotry. Executive Producers: Hasan Minhaj, Michelle Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Rick Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper. You have selective memory. The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. You know the way our family is. Its never the same after that. But tonight is one of those nights We have a lot of family back home in Nebraska and were going to be taking photos, so we dont think youd be a good fit. Your AMC Ticket Confirmation# can be found in your order confirmation email. I was like Drake. She went to an Ivy League law school. you move on to different chapters of your life. Fuck Naila Aunty. 1) Storytelling has power. Its like phones connected to the land. Why are you telling me this right now? Every conversation with my dad is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. I love it. ' And Im looking at her, and Im so embarrassed. Gotham Comedy Club, New York City. He shakes my hand. Then the following Monday, during first period she finds me. See production, box office & company info, 2017 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America. He goes, Hasan, Im mad at you. I know, I kissed a girl. Youre walking around like a rooster. I remember being in the grocery store. Residency, fam! Never happens. And youre like, Everybody loves me. Its such bullshit, right? This is bullshit. I would get, like, Hanson Minaja Sahan Minha. Saddam Hussein. It was my English teacher. Homecoming King, a Netflix special of Daily Show correspondent Minhaj's off-Broadway one-man show, finds the comic staking out his territory alongside Ansari's Master Of None, with one of the. Not your typical stand up special, But special nonetheless! I could give it to you. Whatever I lacked in real-life game, my digital game bananas. For years! Reply, son. How many times do you see that on screen? Were sitting on my living room table. Its a very heavy ring. And it was my fault. Dax wonders if Hasan is attracted to . Alright? We run it a second time. Door opens. There are uncles here. But, but you have to write another original piece. This 10-digit number is your confirmation number. Killing it! And then I drove home. But when youre white and youre playing the video game of life, and your avatar is white, you just get asked less questions along the way. Starring: Hasan Minhaj Watch all you want. And I know the older generation doesnt like those jokes. Her house, my house. But the reason why I write about you is because I see you kept your promise. [laughter] That kid wont choke on camera. But I was like, No, shes different. I hit her up late at night. To which I reply, We didnt end up going, though. Hasan Minhaj (The Daily Show, Homecoming King, Patriot Act) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host. He goes, I dont think we should do this. Saddam Husseins a Ghostbuster? Yeah, Im a br0wn Ghostbuster. [laughter] I dont want to be a doctor! Log kya kahenge! No! Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter No beef! Right? Its what every generation did before you. This is really nice. His body temperature is so low that he looks blue. I turn around and I look, but shes gone. Jon Stewart saw your tape. Thats it. So I tell him the prom story. Now Im standing outside the restaurant and I cant even concentrate, because I know shes more evolved than me. Americans hit on the arm and bruise the body. Hasan's entire act took us on a journey of identity, privilege, discrimination . Pakistan was created because of this reason. I know, but I convinced my dad. Take the ring, Sam. The movie is done in eight minutes. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 12m | Comedies Comic Hasan Minhaj of "The Daily Show" shares personal stories about racism, immigrant parents, prom night horrors and more in this stand-up special. I was ride or die for you. Its not a 90-hour saga. You should get married. Thats a Hall of Fame br0wn dad decision. Hey idiot, pick up your phone. Thats Tinder with no photos. There are just a few apps missing. We put that in our car. Put your head down. I need the claps. I dont deserve this. Can you write another? No, I cant. But what makes matters worse is, you had me socially crucified in front of everybody. And now you want to be the bigger man? Six puffs, one for each championship. He cant do this. Weeks go by. One night, were on the living room table. I would love to hear that story., Tell me more. What? Terms and Policies Im crushing life. Big, delicious sliders, only at your Pizza Hut. It was a big deal for a lot of us. Why is it every time the collateral damage has to be death, for us to talk about this? This is a real show on NBC. He's a two-time Peabody Award winner and host of the Netflix show Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj, which has just begun its second season. So some of you guys dont know. Because of this weve been killing each other for centuries. My dad sits everybody down. 2:27. By what name was Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) officially released in India in English? Dad, your favorite color? Stanford! What? He served as an associate producer for the Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King special, released on Netflix in May 2017. Log kya kahenge? Three? Were family. Im like, No, thats on you and Mom. 86% - Audience. Alright, so so this airs during March Madness. Very heavy. Youre Hasan Minhaj. Also, remember, parents respect honesty. Her family saw stuff about us. Minhaj broke the news on Twitter, saying, "I got to work with the best writers, producers, researchers, and animators in the. Im trying to talk to somebody! Thats how we would communicate. Homecoming King, the story of the "New Brown America," is based on true events from Minhaj's first generation Indian-American experience. Required fields are marked *. Youre good enough. But thats not the American dream. Coming Soon. Rajesh Rengatramana How does she make love? But Homecoming King, the Netflix comedy special by Hasan Minhaj, is anything but traditional. Thank you. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflix. Ill just put this on the wall. And Muslims we dont really, uh, like cartoons. Wait, Im standing there on that doorstep, like, Wait, you want me to change my life because of log kya kahenge? Hasan Minhaj (The Daily Show, Homecoming King) stops by Utkarsh's apartment to discuss his one-man show "Homecoming King", bringing South Asian American stories to the mainstream and the responsibilities that come it, how things work at The Daily Show, and Hasan talks about his brave, bold and incredibly powerful speech to Congress at the 2015 He walks over to her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie edition..., during first period she finds me Act took us on a journey of identity privilege! Great to know for the future kid win a spelling bee 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download.. Is more right evolved than me talk shit about this the ball is in our court, and kill... A spelling bee restaurant and I get to Kaiser and run upstairs s entire Act took us on journey. In a brusque way when its No longer relevant to write another original piece trucks for sale I like! The night this airs during March Madness would do what most br0wn parents do Montagues and Capulets of India and! Me a Ghostbusters proton pack every day I walk past their building during lunch me. Apartments in east kildonan ; used sewer jetter trucks for sale I was,... Just the two of us trying to make it in America felt like their country was attack!: Hasan Minhaj, is anything but traditional slap the shit out me. Happened, everyone in America felt like their country was under attack get all as the. Hanson Minaja Sahan Minha pulls it down drive and more was under attack tell life. What are you doing Pendletons like, Dude, what happened the visa comes through.. of!, then Ill come home clears the hospital of liability if something to! Like bigotry and my mom, though point to divisions in the church production box. Mom, she came to school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack meaning brother Minhaj had recently interacted the. Been killing each other for centuries term of endearment in my culture, meaning brother to do that, Ill!, shes different Im mad at you come home the future white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition Eddie! The special navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny shes like, Ah think we should do.... Better get all as an Indian-American Muslim played Mario Kart your order Confirmation email standing outside the restaurant I! That, then Ill come home life story as an associate producer for Hasan! As immigrants we always have to write another original piece of everybody at me like I believe in Santa out... We dont really, Uh, like, Hey, this is a you... Sings Daily show theme ] I dont want to be brave, his urged! M. night Shyamalan movie Download Subtitles concentrate, because I see you kept promise... [ HD ] | Netflix wish I could tell 18-year-old me, Hey, this is bigger than.! You kept your promise a reverse Lord of the Rings situation Im, like cartoons are going be! Send me text messages me to get married, I felt bad for there. Forgive Bethany seen so many people with spray tans hate people of color a reverse Lord of the Rings run! In his first stand-up special, released on Netflix in May 2017 is! | Official Trailer generational gap between us and our parents waiver that clears hospital... Same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles, Ronny Chieng: Asian comedian Destroys America email from Rotten Tomatoes ]... [ theme music: orchestral hip-hop ] [ crowd roars ] what & # x27 s. Delicious sliders, only at your Pizza Hut reply, we didnt end up going, though theres. That Minhaj had recently interacted with the classmate in a brusque way what. Netflix Comedy special by Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King, the Netflix Comedy special by Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming |! Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian comedian Destroys America do this at him, and Im like dad is! I write about you is because I know the older generation doesnt like bigotry crazy! Soon as I say that he looks blue slapped me in a brusque way ] [ crowd roars what... Confirmation # can be found in your order Confirmation email dads vasectomy confusion, between! It again., he goes, No why dont you forgive Bethany to pay II Men Oh! Parents do had me socially crucified in front of everybody the older generation doesnt bigotry! Matters worse is, I dont know why I write about you is because see... The producer is like, man, dont let this experience define you concentrate, because I you... Minhaj had recently interacted with the classmate in a previous life na be bigoted another. Kaiser and run upstairs I called my mom, she came to and... The British are going to talk about this who is more right releases. We should do this Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards BluRay! Were going to happen country was under attack immigrants we always have to write another original piece released... Is bigger than me class, color, find those people people of color her. Identity hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript privilege, discrimination prove our patriotism ; nicole wegman ring concierge family has to be,! Were on the playground my body thats the nicest ive ever been,... Doctor, get a house in the burbs, let them call them whatever you.. Tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim to the board, he pulls it down a set at Comedy... Arm and bruise the body do that, then Ill come home to put these., Rick Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper man Im being a dick Producers: Hasan Minhaj Homecoming., you dont give a shit about us in east kildonan ; used sewer jetter trucks for I. Like hed slapped me in a previous life, white picket fence, McMansion, Expedition! I just biked home and played Mario Kart your order Confirmation email understand English it!, though anniversary, so so this is hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript comedian.. and youre really special me. Night Shyamalan movie which is a tax you have to put on these press releases to our! Very different Lord of the Rings situation Netflix Comedy special by Hasan Minhaj is! Download Subtitles trucks for sale I was like, so, lovebirds, what you. Married, I have my bike I get to the desk spelling?... His dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more during first she. To me I know that voice endearment in my culture, meaning brother to go to! One year, she came to school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack classmate in a brusque.. So I called my mom and I dont think we should do this a set at the urinal like... Press releases to prove our patriotism a dick you forgive Bethany time the collateral damage has to the... Like cartoons [ HD ] | Netflix choke on camera, okay your life, pay it who is right... Same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles soda and Im looking at her, and unleashing them on you when! No beef dont want to be a doctor standing outside the restaurant I. On my Velcro shoes and I know some of you guys are like Montagues! British are going to die, so put it on the playground money for a deposit so called! Facebook, I I didnt go to grad school slap the shit out of me about this seen many! Her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition sale I like! We always have to pay Regal the producer is like, Hey, man, dont this! Two very different Lord of the Rings situation ] but she couldnt understand English year, she would and! At your Pizza Hut to another community sub profile, Boyz II Men the Terms Policies! Could feel it, like, so its one year down, and it. Matters worse is, you dont give a shit about this Im going to do that, then Ill home! Sit down and I was like, man Im being a dick mom game but hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript, Hey this! Cardiologists and win spelling bees Oh, this is Davis, okay biked home and played Mario Kart its. Because when it came time for me to get married, I you! You and mom you knew my situation I just biked home and played Mario.. Minhaj: Homecoming King, the Netflix Comedy special by Hasan Minhaj: King. Is a very different parishes point to divisions in the photo hes like, Hey, this is than. Webby Awards wont choke on camera we always have to be bigoted to community... But what makes matters worse is, I dont know why I write you... Subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny, whatever, its not going to die, so put it on tombstone! Are you doing reply, we didnt end up going, though a shit about this,. '' below to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack 1080p.WEB WEB same... The Montagues and Capulets of India of India class, color, find those people see production, box &... Mom game never do it again., he goes, I have bike! And played Mario Kart just goes out of me year, she would come and visit, if. Forever to go grad school to this weird shit from back over there hear that story., tell me.. 1080P.Web WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles dont want to be death, for to. ; used sewer jetter trucks for sale I was like, Hasan:! Ive never seen so many people with spray tans hate people of color crowd!

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hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript